I am very sad today, been in tears for two days... whenever I see my cherished Phoebe.
I have had her for near 10 years and over the last 6 months something was happening to her, but I could not figure it out. She suddenly, six months ago stopped flying. I thought that she might have sprained her wing, as she learned to get out of the cage when we were either eating or out of the house. So I then put clips on the cage doors to keep her in. And over this time she began to screech loudly out of the blue trying to get my attention.
Before, for years she did this screeching and it was so loud I could hear it from across the street as I came home. She could even sense me coming home from work way across the street, even though I was not visible to her.
Phoebe must have a sixth sense. And it was never dependent on timing either. My wife always knew when I was approaching the house as she would start the call for me, any time day or night.
And when I would play with her, she would do this mating dance, and her eyes has these white circles that open and close as she bobs her head side to side and makes very nice cooing sounds.
When I first got her from one that did not know birds, and gave her up, he said she was "demon possessed." and she was very difficult to handle and deal with. I think that she was abused, and would strike out at my finger when I attempted to pick her up. She bit me hard to the point of breaking my skin. It took six months of letting her bite me to gain her trust. And from there it was a love bond.
Over the years I made some mistakes that now haunt me. Maybe I did not giver enough sunlight, basically a seed diet, but with some tidbits of our food, some fruit and such. And probably the worst thing I may have done was not clean her cage as frequently as I should have. But now I do, and change it every day, water, seeds, and such. She now seems to really like fruit, but over the last month she has taken a real spiral down.
Her weakness is very apparent, though she does eat. She wobbles and if stressed, pants for air. Her wings also hang down, and she cannot fly at all. First, six months ago it was the right wing that I thought was sprained, now it is both. And though she eats she is unusually thin. Her droppings became ever more liquid and that was a sign that something was wrong.
I brought this issue up with a Vet here in Flagstaff, but there are no bird specialists here to help, though he is somewhat knowledgeable with birds. He has a parrot Freddie that roams the office. He put Phoebe on Baytril and an anti-fungal Nytril <sp?> and this I gave as per his instructions for 15 days at .5 mm two times a day. Phoebe hated it, but I managed to administer it via syringe to the mouth.
Phoebe seemed to improve and looked good. She was even beginning to get her old habits back. But then after the antibiotics were gone and done, and several days later, yesterday she began to show some very alarming signs. Weakness, panting, shaking, and wobbles again. Her dropping were tiny, and this morning they are not black and watery. The Vet gave me more Baytril and told me to administer again till it was gone. This is the second round, and I was concerned that this may now be harmful. He informed my wife that the drug was OK for another 14 days of dosing.
As I was doing so through the mouth this morning, on the side of her beak she nearly died in my hands. I could feel her heart beating and she was weezing badly. Can a bird drown with this med? I did not have this reaction in the first round. The Vet said no if you put dropper to the edge of the beak near toward the throat. I don't know if I can put the tip into her mouth and more down the throat. I am scared to do that as I think that could be severely stressful or even drown her.
But this is my first post, and I am very distressed over my beloved birds condition.
My avatar posted here is Phoebe. I have become so attached to this bird, more so than any other pet that I have had. I could talk to her and she would whistle back. She understood me, though she could not talk. And she is smart.
But I am in tears now for I know that she probably will not be with me much longer.
Is there any hope for a longstanding condition like this?
I am into the second round of antibiotics that the vet gave me. It appears to be the same type, but maybe a bit stronger, I don't know for sure.
Phoebe (my avatar photo) responded very adversely to it, biting and fighting it all the way. I did my best to calm her down speaking softly, and holding her to my chest when she got too upset. It seems the my heartbeat calms her down along with soft spoken words of encouragement.
Then back to the syringe for more. She hates it, but it has to be done.
I have noticed a big improvement this time around. She appears to be much stronger. I did a number of things, changed her seed blend to KayTee brand, as that is what she had been on from the start. My wife started getting the Target brand seeds and I wonder about those, even though Phoebe seemed to like them. Also, I have regularly and daily cleaned out her water dish with apple vinegar, leaving just a film of it in there for good measure. Also, I have put her on PRIME vitamins which has good bacteria for her digestive system. I sprinkle a dash of that on her seeds, and the fruit and carrots that I give her.
I also did not know about scented candles, until I came to this forum, a thing that my wife likes, but I hate. And apparently it could be that my Phoebe does not like it either. My wife has been using them quite frequently over this last winter, and our house is closed. It makes the house smell like a... (won't say what, but you can guess) I will now have a good reason to put a stop to those stinking candles.
But after Phoebe's long illness, which I did not see for 6 months, she is still too weak to fly. But she seems to be improving greatly, and with each day I think that maybe I have saved her from an early death. Once this round of antibiotics is over I will see how she fares. But if she dies after this I will be in grief for a long time.
I have become so attached to Phoebe. And yesterday she gave for the first time in weeks her greeting call to me as I approached the front door. And I cherish that greatly. But she is still for the most part silent when I am nearby. She used to chirp when I sat at my computer table. I thought that she might have lost her voice. So, to test that out, I had my daughter come over to see her. Phoebe loves my daughter and always sings, fluffs her feathers and hangs upside down in her cage when she sees her. Sure enough that did it. Proving to me that her voice is fine, and that her overall silence to me is her expression of resentment for the meds.
I pray that she is feeling better.
But she still fights me with the meds, and I reward with a Malt-O-Meal puffed wheat kernel each time after. She just started the love ritual again, but then stopped when I suppose her memory of the syringe torture came to her mind. She then gave my finger a good hard bite to I suppose express her anger at me for it. Maybe she will drop her resentment when she somehow comes to realize that the meds in that syringe are making her feel well.
And when it is all over maybe then her full trust of me will return.
All of this just goes to show how attached one can become to their companion birds. I know that she will pass on one day, but still she has 2/3rs of her lifespan to go, as her breed lives about 30 years. To pass at 10 would be...
My beloved Phoebe died in my hands today at about 7:00 AM. And I am devastated. I had her medications for almost a month. And prior to this almost a year previous she began to lose strength, and stopped flying. Her right wing was weak, and it thought that it was sprained, but it never came back and she never flew since.
Her voice was strong even to the end. And with the first round of meds when I knew that she had a problem, she seemed to improve, but when off after 3 days she spiraled down again. Became wobbly and and losing her voice.
So the vet had her back on Baytil, and an anti-fungal, as the symptoms seemed to indicate a longstanding infection. So the two regimens of meds lasted about 25 days. When on the meds she seemed to be coming back, but then she had what seemed to be the bouts of a condition that she had previous to the meds. Her posture and movements were almost like she was drunk. And that was the condition that brought her to the vet.
And so it was since Mar 11th, till now.
Last night, she seemed very weak but very interested in my food, and she loved apples and carrots. She went to my shoulder and hobbled down my chest to get some sprigs of cooked broccoli and carrots from my Healthy Meal plate that I was eating that night. I thought of salting it, because I like my food a bit salty, but I refrained as Phoebe would get that, too. I ate a piece of broccoli to taste it, just to ensure that it was not salted previously when it was packed by the company. So I gave her a chunk of baby corn, carrot strips and broccoli. And over the days that she was on meds, she loved carrots and also apples which I provided for her during that time. She would come out of the cage and hobble over to the fruit bowl and chow down into an apple.
Well last night, since it was close to her bed time after the sun went down, I put her in her cage. At this time I did not give her the last round of meds, as there was only one day left of it, and she seemed very much adverse to it, resiting very vehemently that morning. But over the last month I noticed that her droppings had a bright yellow chalky tinge to them with green to black centers. I assumed that this was the meds, but now I realize that it was a liver problem. And there was definite blood in her droppings on and off from day to day. She also had head bobbing and regurgitation, sometime with blood, but there was no nasal discharge or weezing.
But that is all in the past now. After I put her to rest for the night, I checked her. She was awake, but not looking very good. I reached in and touched her and she allowed it, as usually she would not. I began to pet her, and also feel her crop as it seemed full, and she liked that touch which surprised me. In fact, she even began to nibble my fingers in appreciation.
But I was in tears, knowing then that she was on the way out. I just knew it, and maybe she knew it too.
I stayed up late in going over some of the research on bird disease and concluded that the bright chalky yellow tinge to the urates in her stool was most likely due to a liver condition. And this had been going on for nearly a year. And most likely this was due to some infection, a yeast or bacteria.
I put a 25 watt lamp up against my coat that I draped over her cage that night. The light would not penetrate but the mild heat would. It was cold last night and my floor furnace is intermittent and there can be a slight chill before it turns on. I slept on the couch nearby to be with her through the night.
And this morning, as the sun was rising, I took my covers off, and went to her cage and removed my coat and its cover. She was in the same position that she was on her perch through the night. Her droppings were in one place beneath her, and there was a blood staining around them, as there had been on and off in the past month. She had passed the food, but now there was more blood than before. I knew then that she was dying and could hear her clicking breathing.
I reached in and picked her up off the perch, and she felt cold. And as I held her in my hands she tried to return to the cage but could not as her strength was rapidly failing. She flipped over and I was certain then that this was the end for her.
I picked her up again and watched her perish in my hands.
I spoke to her softly, "It's ok to go Phoebe. I don't want you to suffer anymore. It's ok to leave me now, though I will miss you dearly, and I will cry for months whenever I remember you..."
I could see something in her eyes as she looked at me, I was in tears weeping for her as I held her on her back in my hands. Her breath was becoming more rapid, and I stroked her head, with tears streaming down my face. My wife was there, and she watched my grief, and shared in it.
And Phoebe looked at me with one eye, her head turned, and I could see her spirit in there. I believe that these birds have a spirit, and soul, though others may not believe that. To have a beloved bird die in your hands, and see into its eyes, you will know.
And I wept as I said, "I love you Phoebe. I am sorry for overlooking your pains in the past, not seeing that you needed help for what was ailing you. I love you Phoebe, I love you. It's ok to go now. It's ok birddie... Maybe we will be with each other again..."
And the last seconds were awful to watch. She extended her wings, and tail feathers in the palms of my two hands held together, and she made a last squeal, her eyes became large, black, almost bulging out, and with a shudder she died, with her eyes still open.
And with her in my hands, I wept uncontrollably.
My beloved Phoebe, that was my companion bird for nearly 10 years was gone.
Was it my fault, did I do something in her care that was not right? She should have lived longer into birdie old age. 10 years is not long for her. Grief and guilt are a terrible combination.
And with her body in my palms I shed my tears over her. I closed her eyes, and wept uncontrollably, my wife watching over me in my grief. And I wept over her for over an hour. And with my eyes pained from tears, I took from her a few feathers, one from her wing, a tiny blue one one from her head, and one from her tail.
Dear Steve, I promise you after reading your post many of us have wept for you and Phoebe...we are all dedicated animal lovers and most of us have had to go through the loss of one of our beloved animal friends..no more like family members....I would tell you one thing..don't blame yourself...don't second guess yourself......It was her time to pass...she has left you with a whole in your heart, but in time the wound will heal and be replaced with all the wonderful memories you and she made together over the years.....I know it is hard not to focus on the loss, this too will pass. God bless and goodluck.
Thanks for the condolences, I greatly appreciate it. Two weeks later less a day, I am still in grief. It is especially hard in the mornings and evenings. I still break up at the silence of my home.
Such a small being with such a large presence.
I miss Phoebe greatly.
I could not bury her. And as I was digging her grave I broke into tears. I could not put her into that hole. I had her cremated and her ashes I keep. Instead I will plant an apple tree in that hole from the last apple she munched on. That is a better way to remember.
Her ashes will go with mine when my time comes. I will see her again flying freely to my shoulder when I go to that Rainbow Bridge.
Last edited by Steve Schoner; 05-01-2008 at 12:19 PM..
Over two months later I still grieve my Phoebe's loss. I come to tears when I look at her photos, her feathers and ashes that I have kept. Gone, she still has that place in my heart.
She always will.
Last week I came across a 5 year old Quaker that had a hard life. He had lost his mate, and also two fingers on his right foot. One was half gone, and the other a stub. The owner turned him over to the pet shop for re-sale if at all possible. But people want nice birds not mean ones, and not ones missing fingers.
But I took one look at this bird and took a liking to it. He, like my beloved Phoebe had had a hard life. Obviously this bird had seen some form of abuse, as losing two fingers is hard in and of itself. But the bird also has a hidden side, too. It bites hard till the finger bleeds. Than he laughs. (Talk about a mean streak! The laugh was as if he was saying "Ha Ha"... 'I got you.' ) And it also can talk a bit. It says Nite, Nite when it wants to go to sleep, and it speaks Hello, Hi and a few other words as well. But its laugh is engaging.
Well, I spent some time with it, keeping it in its cage, and spoke softly to the poor neglected bird. It came to the side and listened to me and tried to repeat a few of my words. And it would turn his head away in a bashful way. I saw right away that this bird is smart, he has a good side that needs to be encouraged. I played with it through the bars. It nipped me a few times and gave that charming laugh. But then I stuck my finger in so that it would see that I would not threaten it. It struck out but not hard. Then he came in and began to nibble my fingernail.
This was for me a good sign, and the store manager saw it, amazed that the bird seemed to take to me.
Then and there I decided that I wanted this bird, named "Scooby" I saw in him a bird, despite the hardships that he had faced had potential for recovery and a good life. Just like my beloved Phoebe who was an abused bird.
I bought Scooby today, for a very nominal price compared to what a very friendly hand-fed Quaker would go for. He watched as I purchased a new cage, toys, perch, and his favorite food, tiny pellets and Conure seeds.
When I opened his store cage, a very nice one really, he came out on his own to explore the cage I bought for him. He went to it right away and checked it out from top to bottom. It was really funny. Then he went inside, and checked out the toys and other items that I had purchased. He took special interest in the feed bowls which were different from the ones that he had had in the store cage. I filled them with his favorite food, stayed with him for a while, and left him in the store for the night.
I think that to have taken him home so soon, after changing his cage would be too much of a change, so I thought it best to leave him there for the night and then pick him up and take him to my home the next day. I think that a day of adjustment would be in order.
Tomorrow I bring him home, and will spend some time with him before I go off to a 4 hr a day job that I have. I am disabled and not able to work more hours than that, but I will look forward to coming home and hearing this bird as I open the door. While I am gone I will turn on the radio so that he can hear some music and talking.
Anyway,
I think that to rescue a bird has much greater rewards than if one gets one that is nice from the beginning. It takes work, yes, but in the long run the bonds that one makes with rescued birds are much deeper than otherwise.
Maybe some would disagree with me on this, but that is my personal experience.
And in this I learned much from my beloved Phoebe, and I will carry her lessons to every bird that I would rescue.
Steve.
Last edited by Steve Schoner; 06-10-2008 at 11:43 AM..
I'm so sad about the passing of your Phoebe but I'm so glad that you found Scooby who also needs you.I hope that the both of you will be a blessing to one another.
Yes, I am very happy that I got this bird Scooby. He is a real joy... even when he bites my fingers and hands, and then laughs. He is the smartest bird I have ever encountered. But he has a big problem with fingers, otherwise he is fine. If I use a towel I can pick him up and stroke his head. He loves it. In the morning he is very excited, and when I open the cage, he gets on top and says "Kiss, Kiss" in a soft whisper. And when I approach him he kisses my cheeks and allows me to stroke his head with my nose.
Yesterday, I played peek-a-boo with him and he quickly added "peek-a-boo" to his words. He knows what it means, and laughs after we play it.
But the most amazing thing that I saw him do was yesterday and today. My daughter has a cockatiel. That was the bird that this Quaker took as his soul mate. I found from a conversation from the owner that they had to put their female cockatiel down due to a cancer. They took it to the Vet and that was it, they did not bring her back. From that point on, Scooby became very mean, as if blaming the owners for taking his soul mate away.
Well, here is what happened. I put a tail feather from my daughter's bird into Scooby's cage and stroked him with it. He took the feather carefully and preened it. I fully expected him to drop it, but that is not what he did. Instead he took it to his feed bowl and carefully planted it upright there. I was amazed. But my wife though it only a coincidence. But today, I had to change his food, so I took the feather out and changed his dish. Then just to see what he would do, I gave him the feather again. Again he stroked it, preening it carefully, then to my astonishment went to the feed bowl and again placed it inside.
This is something that I have never seen a bird do. I think that he was in mourning for his lost soul mate and that feather from a similar species, a female, must have made a special impression on him. They must have eaten together from the same bowl. And in Scooby's mind, that feather is important to him that it be there in his food bowl as a reminder.
It is an amazing act of devotion to a lost mate.
The feather is there in the bowl now, and I will let him keep it as long as he wants. I know now why his is the way his is-- He is in mourning.
With tears in my eyes, I showed him the feathers of my beloved Phoebe. I think he knows I have had a loss, too.
But he is much happier now just after two days that he has been with me.
The previous owner said that he never took a liking to water and never took a full bath. But today he did after I showed him a pan of water and stirred my finger in it. He also, reluctantly allows me to pet his head and stroke his feathers.
But it is a labor of love, my hands and wrists are covered with bite marks and scabs. Whatever happened to his right toes must have really traumatized him. If I keep my hands down, he is fine. He likes to kiss, talk, laugh, and play games like tugging the towel with me. But should I lift my fingers toward him... watch out.
Anyway, I love this bird. I hope to get some videos of him up soon. And with that start a new topic. Scooby: my rescue bird.
In 2 days you have made such progress with Scooby even if you have the marks to prove it.I think in his on way he has taken to you and in time things will definately inprove.Animals definately understand a lot more than we give them credit for.Life you I have suffered some losses as well you never forget them either.May the relationship you have continue to grow.I have a Quaker and I know so many people with them and hear the stories of them talking well I haven't heard a peep from mine other than the normal Quaker noises.She's a rehome and to me it never mattered whether any of my birds talk or not.I continue to love each and everyone of them.
My beloved Phoebe is dying...
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